Not A Typical Teenager: Guilty About Feeling Happy

Sunday, 6 December 2015

Guilty About Feeling Happy

I did a post not so long about mental health and self harm. It was quite a long post, but have a read.

This post is sort of going to link into that post.

I'd heard of self harm at a young age, but I didn't really have a clue that it was something that people actually did and it was something that so many people did do. Until  probably the age of 14, I knew no one who did self harm. I saw the world through glasses made of sunshine and rainbows.

This all changed, and after I found out that one person self harmed, I learned about so many people who did. So many different stories and reasons and I was left with a whirlwind of questions that had yet to be answered. At about the age of 15 and a half, I knew a handful of people that I was quite close friends with who self harmed or had other issues with mental health.

I found myself still feeling happy. Still always excited and smiling. I cried when I was sad, regardless of where I was and who I was with, but my feelings were always honestly displayed, which is why I usually wore a smile. However, after a while, I sort of felt guilty about feeling happy. I sort of had an idea as to what was causing my friends to feel the way they did, but I still didn't/don't understand it.

For me, it felt like everyone around me was sad, it felt like everyone around me was bottling everything up, whereas I just show how I'm feeling. If I am feeling something, everyone knows I feel this way. How could I possibly justify my positivity when the people I love were hurting?

The came a point where I sort of just gave in to the fact that I'm not going to ever understand what they are going through, and all I could do was be there for them.

I also recently found out that my being happy and clueless was actually reasonably helpful. I think more than anything the fact that I was really oblivious to how people were feeling was good because I believed how people displayed their emotions was how they were feeling and I just acted as if everyone else was happy, and my random conversation seemed to distract people from how they were feeling; which can sometimes be the best thing.

Moral of the story is that being happy can actually help other people, so if your happy when everyone else feels down, just talking at people can sometimes be useful.

I hope you've enjoyed reading this post, let me know in the comments.

Stay Un-Typical

Ashleigh xxx

Image via here

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