Not A Typical Teenager: Stigma and Sex

Sunday, 11 December 2016

Stigma and Sex

In primary school, when you have a crush on someone, you become “boyfriend and girlfriend”. You can be together all of 2 minutes before you love each other and be broken up the next day because you were caught talking to someone the other person didn’t like. In primary school, we played kiss chase and ran around the yard and held people hostage so that their crush could kiss them, and we could run away without being caught. In primary school, we had fake marriages and pretended to be married and we had audiences with maids of honour and best men.

In secondary school, we played truth or dare, where it was a big deal to kiss someone on the cheek, and we all hoped we would have to kiss our crushes. In secondary school, I watched my friends all get boyfriends where we pretended it was more serious than primary school but in reality we were just pretending. In secondary school, I learned what necking was and how to pie someone off, how to text the person you like, and how not to appear clingy or interested.

Since primary school, we have all grown up, and the way our relationships work is very different. Relationships are more serious because we can see each other outside of school and we have the freedom to go to places with each other. The way people view our relationships is different now as well. We are love struck and innocent. We don’t know anything.

Today, I don’t want to talk about relationships;

I want to talk about sex. 

We first learn about sex in year 7, where we learn about reproduction in school and the teacher puts on a video about sex and you have to watch a woman give birth. After this, all of us felt a little awkward and I don’t think any boys or girls talked to each other until the next day when it had blown over. We were all shocked by what we had learned.

When I was in year 10, one of my friends claimed to have lost her virginity. She shared all of the details which I and my other friend didn’t really want to hear, but she was going to tell us whether we wanted to hear or not, and it made me uncomfortable, because we were girls; we shouldn't be talking about sex, should we? Now, a few of my friends have lost their virginity and I’ve learned things from this.

Some people feel pressured
When all of your friends have lost their virginity, it shouldn’t be a big deal, but when your friends won’t let you join in a conversation because you “won’t understand”, it can be easy to see how people can feel pressured into things.

Virginity is a social construct
You should value your own body because your body is special. It is up to you who touches your body and who doesn’t. If you want to have sex with someone, then you should be able to, but only if you want to, and you should not feel shamed about having sex with anyone. It is your decision. All virginity seems to do nowadays is shame girls who haven’t got it and shame boys who have, AND IT ISN’T A REAL THING.

Be safe
Above everything else, it’s really important that you stay safe and make sure that you aren’t putting yourself in danger.
Girls have been told that they should be terrified about having sex because it hurts. Girls are constantly being scared of doing it and if a girl does it, they can be shamed by their peers. Boys are being told they should be sleeping with people because it gives them “lad points”.

The biggest barrier is that people are afraid to talk about it. Sex is a subject that people avoid talking about. As a teenager, I have discovered that we can be quite open when talking about sex and relationships, and if you are curious, you should ask questions. Maybe not individually, but if there are a few of you talking about sex and relationships, and you have a question, ask it, and people will more than likely be happy to answer it.

What do you think of this? Is sex still a taboo subject to talk about? Should we be more open to talking about it? How do we remove the stigma around talking about it? Let me know in the comments.

If you have any questions or queries about this post, please feel free to comment or email. You can email anonymously at
Stay Un-Typical

Ashleigh xxx 

(PS, there's not photo because I didn't have a clue what to put!)


  1. Many studies have been done that show that girls are more likely to stay virgins longer than boys because they feel more pressure to conform to their gender role! I definitely think sex is still a stigma topic xx

    1. It's even been proven and society doesn't change!xx